Can Do Guy #1
by Paul Beckman
Meet Geenty. Geenty is the can do guy I use. Everyone should have a can do guy—right Geenty? See—he’s not much in the conversation world but the women love him because he has big light blue eyes and while he doesn’t talk, he listens and not many guys are good listeners.
I won Geenty in a backgammon game a few years back—well, I didn’t actually win him, but I won his telephone number and the code speak for when he answers or if I have to leave a message. The guy I won Geenty from eventually left town because he no longer could get things done. Right, Geenty? Right.
Okay so we have a mutual friend that has two friends, unknown to each other but who contacted our mutual friend because he had a friend that needed a can do favor. You. Do I have that right? Good. Okay, but realize now when I use the word favor it is not inter-changeable with freebee. You got that? Right? Right. No, there’s no upfront quote until we know the breadth and depth of said favor. Got that? Right? Right.
Write on this yellow legal pad what favor you want. How is your penmanship? Yes, printing is okay and preferable. We don’t articulate favors because some can do guys out there are masters of bugging. Got it? Right. Write.
You’re kidding me right? Tell me you’re kidding me. You’re not kidding. Right? What makes you think I’m going to share my can do guy with you? That’s not how it works. Why? You couldn’t afford him and/or you don’t have a gun to my head. What do you need your own can do guy for? What do you mean it’s personal? Everything we do is personal. Maybe it’s time for you to get on your little red Razor scooter and scoot out of here. You need your own guy because you have a list and not a lot of money. I’ve heard that before but money is not the only recompense. Favor for favor. No, not like the Godfather. Okay, maybe a little but I’m not in the freebee business and neither is Geenty. Of course it’s not his real name. Listen, you’re wasting my time. Scoot.
You’re damned right I want you to level with me. You’re trying to tell me that you’re a can do girl? Okay, guy, sorry. And let me guess your favor is to get either any other can do guy in your mitts or Geenty in particular. Which is it? Geenty? Right. He’s the best so no surprise there. What are they paying you for this can do? That’s a lot of Benjamins. Tell you what. Are you any good at what you do? You’re number two right behind Geenty. Geenty, tell me, is that true? No it wasn’t a nod, it was a shrug. When Geenty nods you know it’s a nod. Here’s the deal; you drop your guy like you forgot your oven mitt and come over and be my number two can do and that’s only if Geenty okays it. Got it? Right. Geenty, you like? See, now that’s a nod. Got it? Right. No shrug in that nod.
Write down your number and your code and I’ll call you by noon tomorrow if we want to do this. You got my number so call me any time before if you have an answer. Remember; don’t even think of crossing me.
Geenty, follow her and bug her and if she’s not one hundred percent do what you gotta do,
I know you can do, you don’t have to tell me.