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Post: When My Knees Ache by Shoshana Surek

Mon, 23 May 2016 17:36:08 GMT

ijf3311
Mon, 23 May 2016 17:36:08 GMT

Wow. Lovely: the repetition of the dialogue between the images. The turn away from which character has done what they said they would do is pleasant.

LNHolmes
Thu, 09 Jun 2016 18:42:17 GMT

Those last couple of lines bring some major punch. Nice job!

RachelWolff
Fri, 05 Aug 2016 02:25:17 GMT

When we smoked until the wallpaper disappeared. Powerful visual.

EriniK
Fri, 07 Oct 2016 20:24:08 GMT

Love the repetition; lovely, lonely ending.

ZackQ
Tue, 25 Oct 2016 22:03:23 GMT

“I will write you,” he said, “Every time I think of you.”

ladystormparade
Mon, 12 Dec 2016 10:45:12 GMT

Powerful last line

jmikor
Mon, 19 Dec 2016 09:09:58 GMT

I reckon cooked or dead are pretty much the same thing. Powerful stuff like a river current.

lrc
Sat, 28 Jan 2017 16:50:01 GMT

This is wonderfully vivid and lyrical.

nbartley03
Fri, 03 Feb 2017 03:52:40 GMT

I really like that there's just a couple lines of dialogue in this. The repetition makes it almost poetic. And the fact that you aren't so much explaining a situation as you are describing an image in that situation, and using it as the core. The ending will leave me thinking for a while: what the person is supposed to remember, and the metaphor of the rabbit and the war. Well done!

wiptaylo
Thu, 09 Feb 2017 19:16:47 GMT

An insightful example of compassion and brevity.

AMD34342
Sun, 02 Apr 2017 19:32:40 GMT

The repetition in this piece works so well, especially in the delivery of that ending punch!

BenjiRade
Tue, 04 Apr 2017 22:13:43 GMT

This hybrid work really occupies a lonely space. The ultimate line contradicts much of the relationship earlier in the work in such a wonderful way.

Angela D.S.
Thu, 15 Jun 2017 15:18:16 GMT

I like how the end twists. I love the use of repetition to pull you down throughout the story to see what is going to happen and if this will be true.

Alyssa Jordan
Thu, 22 Jun 2017 18:05:40 GMT

Great rhythm in this piece. I thought the last few lines were perfect, too--nice job!

jarthurboyle
Mon, 24 Jul 2017 16:28:31 GMT

Fantastic compression. And I feel like I have a sense of the speaker as a character, too. Given me some new ideas about old ideas I thought were too short.

booklover44
Thu, 31 Aug 2017 17:39:57 GMT

This piece had a very nice flow that, while not too complicated to follow, showcased complex themes. Nice job!

zoe_reads
Wed, 18 Oct 2017 20:11:00 GMT

Complex themes in such short pieces always amaze me, and this one definitely didn't disappoint. Great job!

carolynwritespoems
Fri, 06 Jul 2018 15:28:40 GMT

I enjoyed the recurring imagery of the corn and rabbits. It gave me something concrete to see, while the time frame shifted through the story.