This is an awesome opener to a story. I love the last two lines. Might have to try my hand at a new section.
I like how open ended this story is. There's a lot of cool ways to go, but I wouldn't be disappointed if this was the man with the pipe: [Tumblr_static_archer-628](//muut.com/u/tethered/s1/:tethered:U8r9:tumblr_static_archer628.jpg.jpg)
I'm definitely curious. I thought maybe these girls were maliciously forced on a rooftop they'd have to jump off of (thinking of _Divergent_) until someone had a cigarette, like this scary rooftop jumping thing was so expected. And there was no timer or something that marked when they'd jump so WHY are they doing it SERIOUSLY WHY
“Awesome. You haven’t slept, and you haven’t eaten. So basically all you’ve done today is chainsmoke and get on my nerves. Such a contribution you’re making to the team here.” Phaedre gives a slow clap. -this section made me actually stop and laugh out loud. So sarcastically brilliant. I love it. This is such an interesting opener, I can't wait to see where it gets taken!
Great cliffhanger! This will be an awesome lead-in to the next part of the story!
Very nice way to lead in someone else to take up the story. I couldn't help thinking that the guy with the pipe told convinced them they could... Uh oh. Guess I should write it...
This was great. I love the sense of nervousness which comes through the narrative, and the ending was very tingly too
Backstory! Now that we know a little about how they got here, where do you think they'll go? I'm thinking heist.
Why is everything a heist with you, Joe? NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS THE THIEVERY SKILLS OF CHERRY BOMB. NOT EVERY TEXT MESSAGE IS A "SLEEP TERRORISTS" FROM THE MAYOR!
ALSO, (wow, gotta turn the anger-educed caplocks off), Ruben, I love where you took this story. Leave it to you to turn this into a media-fueled snuff film.
Thanks Dani, it was a great starter and I kept thinking that it sounded like some sort of reality show. The death and dying part was just a bonus ;) Can't wait to see where the next author takes us!
I'm curious to know just hat it was that finally swayed Darla to join in. But I like where it ends. Nice chance for additions again.
I'm sure that the next author already has a good motivating factor for Darla... Maybe money, maybe fame, maybe recapturing her youth, maybe she has a fantasy about proving it all a lie, maybe she's a sinister alien who has secretly set this all up in an effort to make the human race devalue life itself. Or maybe she hates authors who write really long sentences with a lot of "maybe's" in them and decided that it would be better to jump off of a building.
I loved the new direction the second instalment took us in. That executive recruiter dude is so creepy though. I found him more harrowing than the whole base-jumping thing.
Is anyone else freaked out that they jumped off a building in Boston and ended up on a beach? I'm thinking...dimensional portal! COME ON! SOMEONE TURN THIS INTO A SCI-FI!
Ooh! I'm loving this new project! I love that Ruben made it a reality TV show. How unexpected. Every addition is really moving the story along. Great work everyone!
This story is awesome, guys! She should totally take over as lead in the show...
Ooh, a deal with the devil - a few months of fame and adrenaline highs, then a fake death, and .... start a new life in a part of the world with no reality TV access? Is there such a place? Seems like Darla might like that, if she doesn't have to go to prison, instead. Maybe she's a poor shot, and the creepy dude's only wounded. Can't wait to find out!
I LOVE THIS ENDING! Wow...how dark, and amazing. I love that they're about to be destroyed by a monster of their own making!
That was a great ending! Nicely done, Asa!